Thursday, 25 June 2015

Men made me know the word woman. The term Cisgender is male bullshit.

The Oxford English Dictionary have included the word "cisgender" for the first time. To mean people (I'll focus on women) who are born into the body (a woman's body with a vagina and uterus etc) with which they identify biologically (live with as part of biology - which makes a lot of fucking sense really).

Piss-take. Mistake. Cistake.

Say those words over and over again until it gets a bit hissy and blurry and you aren't sure what you are saying. That can happen.

Woman.

Say that. Never changes for me.

Never. Changes.

This is what it does to me.

It makes me remember how I got here. It makes me remember every slight and every twist and every "nearly didn't make it" - every pair of bloodied pants and sheets and the seam of my jeans that never washed clean. Every disapproving look. Every sexist jeer from a car window that made me cower and feel ashamed. Every teacher ignoring my better work. Every toy shop selling me shit toys. Every job I didn't get. Every point I didn't get to make. Every time I didn't orgasm first so not at all. Every hand where I didn't want it. Every penis where I said it couldn't go. Every pay packet that wasn't heavy enough. Every time I was called bitch, slag, whore, cunt. Every certificate I didn't get or game I couldn't play. Every hand holding me down. Every space I couldn't take up. Every cake I didn't eat. Every blemish I covered up. Every wrinkle that I hid. Every film I winced at. Every song that made me cry for the wrong reason. Every time I was told no. Then no. Then no. Then shut up. Then fuck you. Every time I was told to get in the kitchen, the bedroom, the back of the line.

Every time a man called me "Woman" and meant it. Meant it hard. Meant it bad. Meant it to throw me off the male planet.

You men who want to take the woman from me? You men who want to blur that word? You men who want it to mean nothing. Put down your dictionary and put up your fists.

Because I will fight to be called the word that you made me know.

I am a woman.