"I am going to ruin your entire Tuesday. You're welcome. Sleep well."
Well .. he didn't. He just said ..."I'm listening to a debate on ethical porn on Radio 4. You should listen."
Friends eh? Sometimes they're like monkeys on crack with guns. Only less loveable.
Here's the link if you're interested. I suggest you snort a bowl of asbestos instead and pretend Radio 4 died.
Introduced by a young journalist named Nichi Hodgson was the ridiculous notion that the porn industry can be all smoothed out by a few rules and regs and that all the lovely amenable porn magnates will just sign right up for it. Nichi likes to ignore double anal penetration, throttling and gagging and prefers to promote an acceptable fluffy bit of "ethical" porn where pretty, hippy couples named something like Sven and Sveness lick each other senseless on scatter cushions whilst planning a weekend in Scarborough. Or something. I genuinely couldn't decipher what exactly Nichi thinks "ethical porn" is and what it isn't. Because really... whatever is going on in Nichi World is like a consensual fumble in the broom cupboard at Hogwarts whilst the Armageddon of the real porn war rages outside and saying.... "Look though. Look how cool we are here amidst the mops and the Mister Sheen. This can't be too bad. Why don't you all come and watch? That'll make it ok. It WILL!"
I don't think the throbbing big boys who thrive on multi-million pound empires shaping our young children to the point where they no longer even feel each other's bodies as they act out their PornTubeRedHub sex on each other really care what Nichi is doing in her health and safety sex cupboard as long as she legitimises their bit and they get to keep throwing sex grenades at women and children without anyone stopping them.
Dr Gail Dines admirably, calmly and brilliantly pointed this out (as she does every time). I wish Gail Dines was the voice over to every porn film ever. Just gently and huskily pointing out that you have no real right to be watching a woman dehumanised and reduced to a variety of available fuck holes.
This morning I voiced my dissent. It always feels like you are holding your hand up to the incoming tide of the North Sea when you say "Nuh huh. Nope. Porn is bad for women. Something that encourages men to scream vile names at a woman whilst they squirt semen in her eyes and she cries.... that isn't good for women. That's really quite bad for women actually. It's probably bad for the men who are watching it if we really think about it." ... well saying that really quite obvious stuff brings all the cool young folk to your yard.
I soon found @Seanchuckle keen to tell me the porn was ok. I'm wrong he thinks. I'm all kinds of wrong about porn.
Sean is Sean Biggerstaff (verified with a blue Twitter tick sign dontcha know... played Oliver Wood in Harry Potter apparently... yeah ... don't worry... I don't know either and I've seen Harry Potter.... must have been one of the ones who died quickly. Probably from wanking off his wand.).
Sean was very keen to *sigh* at me for not liking porn and for me saying that he was bound to say that because he was a man. Poor men. They just can't catch a break at being able to express themselves without a woman not listening because they are male. Being silenced and ignored is a pain. Women today eh? If only there was some sort of movement men could join to fight their oppression.
I think Sean is a mate of Nichi. Sean pointed out that he wanted more orgasms.
Does that exclude the woman who has been penetrated painfully for 8 hours in various uncomfortable positions whilst not being fed or paid appropriately? Does she get hers? Does she even want one anymore?
I like sex. I like orgasms. I like being asked how I would like to have one and when. I like someone to care that I have one. I like to care that they do. I like the feel of the body of the person I'm having sex with and I like to look in their eyes. I am not a "prude". I am not "shrivelled up". I am not against other people enjoying sex. All of those are common accusations when you say you object to porn. It's like saying you object to sex. That is a ludicrous jump made only to discredit objectors to male violence.
Actually I am saying I object to an industry where women are sexually exploited and degraded by sex that is not sensual, free from violence and misogyny or consensual. A massive power imbalance, politically and economically, between the owner/producer and the purchased "raw material" they transform into "finished product" ensures that it can never be fully consensual. When the images of these women are fed to men who see them as a product and subsequently transfer that right to commodify the body of female humans onto the women they encounter in real life, then the whole sexual experience has been changed by an economic and mental transaction. You cannot bring a new product to market ..."ethical porn" ...and expect that the other product will be replaced or become of higher quality simply because yours is there morally guiding the other producer. This is naive bullshit at best and wilful participation in legitimising continued exploitation of women at the other end of bad.
Back to some of the rather astounding comments by Nichi and her sidekick Sean of The Dead (hand).
Nichi offered this....
I don't think the porn industry gives a fuck about you. I don't think they are waiting for you to adopt them and make them moral. I really don't. I think they are laughing their raw cocks off at you.
I thought the difference between vaginas and carrots was obvious but the porn defenders love a good analogy. Anything that doesn't mention an anus or a vagina or a mouth. These are the actual things that have a cock shoved in them over and over again. Usually accompanied by a tirade of misogynistic abuse and sometimes accompanied by the cock of a misogynist friend or two. Sometimes in the same orifice at the same time.
Women can also be compared to beer...
I had suggested that we don't need to see a woman sexually brutalised for the enjoyment of others and wondered why that need and "right" was not allowed to be challenged. That makes me "judgey"? Well Ok. I will judge the shit out of people who do need to see that. Why would you need to see a woman harmed to achieve sexual climax? How did you get to that stage?
Women can be compared to cars too.
I suggested a solution to the brutal porn industry would be to lower demand....
Sean found this mind-blowing. It was like saving the planet or something crazy like that!! So.... y'know.... look away from the vaginas.... cars... look at them!
Nichi was a totally different case. I think Nichi is made entirely of feathers and bunny fur. Life with porn is just like playing with Kool and The Gang. We radical feminists just need to start dancing along.... Celebrate good times.... don't think of the dick tearing up your arse as you start to sing....
Nichi got a bit evangelical. Selectively. I'm not sure what she wants to do with the "other" bits of the porn industry. Presumably those exploited women will just "manage" with all the violence sex and exploitation. The rest of us will be just fine with having ourselves represented as objects for male violence masquerading as "enjoyable" sex.I got bored of Nichi. She didn't seem to keep up with the conversation terribly well and pointed out an analogy that wasn't mine was inaccurate. I pointed out it wasn't mine. Nichi didn't celebrate or even acknowledge this. She must have been having an ethical wank. With fairy lights and glitter.
She knows a LOT about vaginas though....I could learn a thing or nothing (more likely) from Nichi.
But I must ask.... really... help me out.... what on earth is Nichi trying to say here... that vaginas are big people. Drunk people. Whole drunk people. Oh Nichi. Go and play with your nipple tassels quietly with Sven whilst the rest of us fight a massive, violent industry harming women on a huge scale both within it and outside it.
Meanwhile today.... over on Planet Nichi.. she seems to have forgotten journalism in favour of ... well... this.... twitter pimping?
Ethical Porn is nonsense. It cannot be divorced from the vile and violent porn industry as a whole. The industry would swallow it, use it and march ever further towards a point where violent sex is increasingly normalised. I don't want that for me, or my daughters or any of us.
I wear pyjamas. £300 for me in pyjamas with a tantalising book anyone? Nah.... for free.